Happy Festivus, LOSERS!!!!

Festivus is upon us once again, the time for pulling the ol' aluminum Festivus pole from the crawl space and leaning it up in a corner, unadorned to be admired for its strength and durability. No decorations, of course, tinsel is quite distracting.

I'm really looking forward to the Festivus meal...Leftovers. Tamales this year, which will actually be really good. Tonight's meal will be paired with a snifter of Slivovitz plum brandy. Ouch!

After the meal, we will all kick back and observe the airing of the grievances. We will go around the table one-by-one and tell each person the ways in which they have disappointed us over the past year. And let me tell ya, I got a lot of problems with those people!! And now, they are gonna hear about it. They all STINK!!!

And after the Airing of the Grievances, we will move on to the feats of strength. The head of the household will challenge whoever he wants to a wrestling match and Festivus won't end until the head of the household is pinned.

And, Dear Reader, in the spirit of Festivus, a donation of $100 has been made in your name to the Human Fund. You know, money for people.

I take it back!

I take it back! I take it all back!! Every bad thing that I said about those pies was wrong! I ate a piece of each last night and they were both even more delicious than I imagined.

My little tantrum yesterday probably speaks more to my own insecurities and lack of self confidence than anything else. I had not tried the pies when I posted yesterday and passed judgement on them based solely on what my husband had said. He is serious about his food and he always criticizes what he makes...not to say that it's bad...just to think up ways to make it better. Which is fine. Good, even-especially if you are really good at something and want to keep getting better. For me, however...I just wanted to not fail. As I told my husband yesterday: I want the first reaction to be, "This is good. How soon can you make this again?" rather than, "It's good, but maybe try lining the pan with solid gold coins next time."

And that is the reaction I had to BOTH pies. The chocolate pecan cranberry did need a little work, architecturally speaking. I should have used the pate brisse crust and I should have melted the chocolate with the butter and sugar. Agreed. But the flavor of that pie was nearly unbelievable. The chocolate with the pecans with the tart cranberries...it was just great. So rich and crunchy and tart. It was like eating a chocolate covered tart cherry with pecans. My first reaction to taking a bite of this pie was definitely, "How soon can I make this again??" The answer: this weekend.

The cranberry orange pie seems to be a source of disagreement between my husband and I. He said it tasted too much like cranberries and had a cranberry aftertaste, but I think it was perfect. It's a cranberry pie! It SHOULD taste like cranberries! I think he was thinking that something a little more subtle might go over better with the masses. He suggested adding another kind of berry to cut the distinct taste of the cranberries, but I disagree. It would make for a delicious pie, but then it wouldn't be a cranberry pie. People usually have cranberries as an accenting flavor and don't usually get it in the full-force delivery that this pie provided. I thought the pie was bold and exciting and really flavorful. I had never tasted anything like it. It didn't taste like cranberry sauce. It didn't taste like cranberry juice. It didn't even taste that much like the fresh cranberries. It was a lot like a cherry pie, but just a little more tart and a little more sweet. I would not change the recipe one bit. I didn't measure the orange zest and I may have used too much, so the only thing that I would change would be to actually measure the orange zest next time. I would also use turnbinado sugar next time because I have heard that it makes for a smoother texture, but that's it. The cranberries were tart and juicy and created a beautiful bright red juice that gelled up around them to make a perfect slice of berry pie. I love the taste of cranberries and the orange zest gave it a really nice fragrant flavor (which could be the aftertaste that James was referring to). It isn't the kind of pie that you could sit down and eat 2 or three pieces of...it's the kind that you would want with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and a cup of coffee the morning after Christmas.

So yeah, the lesson learned here is: Don't listen to James. Just kidding. If I had already made a million successful pies, I would welcome suggestions. But you don't tell a baby just learning to walk that he needs to swing his arms. Just taking a first step should be enough for a round of applause.

More pies

I stayed up all night last night slaving away over two beautiful pies for my husband's holiday office party. I made a cranberry orange pie with a lattice crust and a special little experiment in the form of a chocolate pecan pie with cranberries. When I went to bed last night, I was so impressed with myself and so pleased at how these beautiful pies looked. They turned out absolutely lovely, but from what I hear, they are not particularly impressive, flavor-wise. I think they are too weird for the ol' library crowd. I should have done something a little more populist
like apple or cherry, but I was trying to go for a serious gourmet wow-factor.



Preliminary reports state that the cranberry orange pie may be too tart for most people. My husband suggested adding another kind of berry like raspberries. I have also seen cranberry pies with golden raisins added, but James thinks that might be too sweet. I'm fairly disappointed that this pie didn't go over any better than it did. I had some high hopes for this one. It is really pretty and festive and I was hoping for a show-stopper. No such luck.


My other experamental pie was a chocolate pecan pie with cranberries. Again, a lovely pie that does not live up to expectations. The recipe called for whole choclate chips to be placed on the bottom of the shell and they melted through the shell and combined with the dough and stuck to the bottom of the pan. After I had baked the pie, I realized that I probably should have either blind baked the shell or done a pate brisse crust rather than the traditional flakier crust. I also should have melted the chocolate into the pecan pie syrupy mix, so that it would have turned out a little more like cocolate covered cranberries. Ah, well.


I would probably make the pecan pie again, just to try to get it to turn out a little better, but I feel like the cranberry orange was a bit of a flop. The pecan was a flop, too, but that had more to do with the recipe instructions than the actual ingredients, so I would give it another try. The moral to this story is: Cranberries play a great supporting role, but just can't hack it in the lead.

My Kingdom for a Pie!

Ok, whatever. I was trying to think of some kind of clever title relating to pie, but no such luck!

A couple of months ago, I started seeing "pie pumpkins" for sale at my local co-op grocery. I had heard my grandmother talk about how much better a pumpkin pie is when it's made from a real pumpkin, so I was intrigued. I scoured the interwebs for recipes and advice about making a pumpkin pie from scratch and I spend several weeks talking myself into and out of making the pie.

I have had several culinary debacles lately, so I was not feeling particularly confident. Most recently was the great election-night eve oatmeal cookie fiasco. I started by adding too much flour, then decided to double the recipe to compensate. I then added to much butter, though only a couple of table spoons to much...I didn't think it would make a difference. I plopped the oatmeal balls onto the cookie sheet and put them in the oven, only to watch them swell and spread to cover the entire cookie sheet in a all-encompassing, semi-soft sheet. I had no idea what I had done wrong, but they were definitely not quite right...halfway between a cookie and peanut brittle in texture. My husband made me keep them, but I was ready to chuck it all in the trash! I did throw away the rest of the dough and about an hour realized what I had done wrong...I didn't double the oats.

Blerg.

Then there was the time that I tried to make turkey meatballs and they fell apart in the pasta sauce, rendering it inedible becaus ethey were still raw...and the time I tried to boil a chicken...the list goes on and on.

In fact...I can't remember the last time I cooked something that was even satisfactory.

Well, I'm going to consider my losing streak offically OVER! The pies were not perfect, mind you. I used condensed milk instead of evaporated milk in the pumpkin pie...I sliced the apples way too thin for the apple pie and the crusts were not as flakey as I would have liked. BUT! I cuaght my pumpkin pie mistake with the milk in time and I just skipped the white sugar, the apple pie was still really delicious and tasted kind of like an apple gratin-desert, and the crust-while far from flakey-was still very good and kinda tasted like a shortbread cookie. And, of course, it was a learning experience. I made a pie once when I was like 9 and hadn't tried since. It was another-maybe the first-culinary disaster. It turned out beautiful and delicious, but then I dropped it on the way out to the car and it splattered accross the pavement. I was devistated. I never made another pie again...


Until now! I'm going to try the crust again this weekend on a chicken pot pie and I think I will try to make an apple cranberry currant sometime this holiday season.

And don't they look great!! The crust designs are a little jacked up, but after making two completely different pies, I was starting to lose my steam.

I will now begin focusing my efforts on a single, perfect pie per week until the holidays are over. That's only like 3 weeks! I better get started!

My first official complaint

Yesterday, I got my first official complaint from a customer. I'm sure it was a long time coming...I am pretty short with people between the hours of 8am and 10am, especially. And I can only hear the words, "Can't I just say it was expired and get it for free?" so many times in one day before my brains explode. I am not always as friendly as I could be with people. Sometimes you just have to let your tone of voice and demeanor tell people you mean business. On the other hand, I've had more than one of my "regulars" say that they go out of their way to come to Eigenmann because I'm so much nicer than the lady at the union. (Yes, there are people who lose their IDs so often that they know me, know the lady at the union, can tell us apart, and have had enough interactions with each of us to know that one of us is nicer than the other.) At the very least, I try to be professional even when I can't always be pleasant.

So this joker comes in and he has punched a hole through his ID card with a pretty standard issue paper-punch hole puncher. Kids do this all the time and it's not a big deal. This particular student, however, had punched the hole through his bar code number and part of the bar code. Let me re-iterate this point, because it is significant and seemed to be lost on the student. HE PUNCHED A HOLE IN HIS ID CARD-HE PUNCHED A HOLE THROUGH THE BAR CODE NUMBER AND PART OF THE BAR CODE. He came to the counter to ask if I would read off his bar code number so that he can use it to gain access to online articles. Whatever. We can't give out any information to cardholders about their card. As out director is fond of saying, "We're in the card distribution business. NOT the information distribution business." We don't give out any information to anyone. No ID numbers. No expiration dates over the phone. No card numbers. Nothing. Never. To anyone. That's just how we roll.

So, I tell the kid we don't give that information out, so he has two choices. He can see if the library will give him the numbers he's looking for, or he can buy a new card for $5. He starts going on and on about how I should just give him the information. Obviously, it's his card and he's asking for the info. What reason could I possibly have to deny him access to his own information. I tell him it's just our policy. He won't accept that and tries to state his case again. I rattle off our director's motto. But that doesn't make any sense, he says. We go round and round like that for about 5 minutes and finally, I've had enough.

"Listen," I tell him. "This is not up for discussion. We don't give out that kind of information. Now, you can either contact someone at the library or you can buy a new card."

Apparently the tone of my voice told him that he had reached the end of my patience because he threw his ID down on the counter and mumbled, "fine." He filled out the form, filled out the computer info, I printed out his card and off he went. Later that day I received the following in our departmental e-mail account:

To Whom It May Concern,

My name is and I am an undergraduate here at Indiana University. Unfortunately I have just returned from a very unpleasant experience with one of your staff members at the Eigenmann location. I came in looking to find out the first 4 digits of my Library code number located on the left hand side of the card directly above the bar code (for the purpose of obtaining full-text journals by e-mail from the library for use on an upcoming research paper). This seemed to be a huge problem since the woman "is not allowed to give out that kind of information". It seems odd to me that something as trivial as a library code (that is on the campus access card to begin with!!) would be considered classified information. She then proceeded to tell me that my only option was to buy a new card since my card was considered "damaged". Upon a quick Google search of the word Damaged, I found a common definition to be "broken, not working". I tried to explain to the woman how surely my card was not "damaged", it was still completely functional since the bar code and swipe strip were completely unobstructed. The card simply had a hole-punch through the numbers that I was trying to retrieve so that I was able to put it on my key chain. She rudely informed me that there was no discussion about it and i needed to buy a new card. Thus, I was forced to pay to replace something that was not broken (a synonym of damaged) in the first place! The entire experience has left a bad taste in my mouth and has been displeasing to say the least. Your sales associate had every opportunity to show me proof that my only option was to buy a new card, or even that my card was considered damaged. I sincerely hope that this letter makes it into the right hands.

If you have any questions you can contact me at douchebag @ so-and-so .edu. I am hopeful
that this matter does not go unacknowledged.

So, apparently he had to google the word damaged. WTF? I think that if you punch a friggin hole through your friggin card and alter it to such an extent that it is no longer functional, IT'S FRIGGIN DAMAGED!! And it was only $5. I know times are tough, but c'mon!

Blerg.

Vacation Dreams

I have a new recurring dream. I don't have it all the time, but I've had a variation of it 4 or 5 times now-enough to be troubled-and I think that constitutes a recurring dream. The basic plot is that my husband and I are on vacation and he wants me to try to get a job somewhere near the hotel-usually a restaurant-so that I can make a little extra money. This time, it was some weird sushi bar. In the dream, we went there to eat and the whole place was really creepy. The manager was Jack Nicholson dressed up in Kabuki make-up and a white cotton kimono. On each page of the menu, a man's face would slowly appear in the corner after you turned the page. It featured a variety of weird asian food, but no sushi. In the dream, James said it would be easy for me to work there because I didn't actually have to learn anything about asian food. I tried to argue that I wouldn't make any money of I only worked there for a couple of days because I would be training, but James argues that it would be better than nothing. In the dream, all I could think about was avoiding Kabuki Nicholson at all costs. I also had an overwhelming, sinking feeling of disappointment and sadness and stress at the thought of having to work during my vacation.

I've had other dreams like this where James wanted me to work at an Olive Garden, or a Chi-Chi's (even though they are gone now), and even a Target. This latest sushi bar dream is the most vivid one that I've had so far. What do you think it means??

Five Bad and Five Good

5 Thing that happened today that irked me...
-I had to get up and go to work
-My chain-smoking co-worker hung her jacket nearly on top of mine
-Nana pooped in the house
-I gave a kid a handout about how to activate his new ID and he promptly crumpled it and gave it back to me
-I almost broke the security gate at work because I forgot to make sure BOTH stools were out of the way

5 Things that happened today that pleased me
-Great workout!
-I took all three dogs on a really long walk without incident
-James and I went to b-foods for lunch and ate 3 different kinds of meat
-Applied for a high-paying job that would be friggin' awesome
-Beaujlais Nouveaus

५ एंड ५

Oh man...this is confusing. The interwebs were translating my blog post into Hindi...

First Post

So, my made-from-scratch Spacebox Nation has fallen by the wayside like so many other barely cultivated hobbies I've tried. Knitting, crocheting, playing music, blogging, a meaningful career doing something I enjoy-all little more than a momentary flicker of light at the fore-front of my mind. I may try picking up the HTML again some day, but for now, I'll try my hand at something a little more structured. I could argue that a formulaic pre-fab blog would be more aligned with the original Spacebox Nation manifesto, but the truth is I'm lazy.

So, with this bold new blog, I propose to post something every day. We'll see how that goes.